Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Spring Cleaning....So to Speak

First sign of spring: heavy highlights!

Me: Color me, blonde, BEatch!

Stylist: It's Redken 8N and 7NA, also known as "sesame" and "mirage"...and don't call me BEatch.

When will I learn not to mess with people who can turn me into Carrot Top.

I'm in a frisky mood today. The sun is shining and the thermometer is nearing the 60-degree mark. Spring has sprung, my friends, and it's time to prepare ourselves for the warm weather, just as we would our homes and lawns. It's time to prune, trim, and plant. Or in our case, wax & tweeze, snip & paint, highlight & tan.

Next up, pruning the eyebrows (so as to look less like Bobby Knight). I used to get this taken care of at the salon very routinely, but two moves ago, my stylist didn't offer it, so I fell off the wagon. I will admit to breaking down on more than one occasion and having a quick "wax & go" done at a fly-by-night, Vietnamese, strip mall nail salon, but not without great anxiety. I know if I push my luck there too many times, I'm bound to one day walk out looking like a geisha.

Yes, I'm quite aware that I'm mixing cultures, but it's hard to shake this image from my head when the little ladies are just smiling and nodding without any true indication that they know what the hell I'm talking about.

I do, however, trust Thuy (pronounced Twee', which is what MT calls those big things in our yard that grow leaves in the spring) to deliver a mean French pedicure. I begin growing my toenails out after New Year's Eve in order to provide a nice starting point with which to sculpt ( March, my toenails are absurdly long so Thuy can snip and file into the perfect length for the french pedi). And let me tell you, that is the way to get your money's worth (all $20 plus tip) - Frencho pedo. I'm able to touch up my tootsies from spring through the 4th of July. I really am a low-maintenance kinda girl. But sandal-ready is a must well before Memorial Day. Am I right, ladies?

So, we've covered "pruning" and "trimming," * now on to planting....

The highlights are here, but you know what looks great with highlights? A tan. Next up on my to-do list - find a dermatologist. Need to make sure all the new moles and freckles that have congregated on my body over the dark days of winter aren't malignant, so I can promptly buy my Fake & Bake package and soak in the Vitamin D. Nothing says "sun-kissed" better than raccoon eyes created by tanning bed goggles.

Spring is also the season to spruce up your color palette, i.e. clothes and make-up. I'll be stashing away my favorite boots (noooooo!) and pulling out pink and green from the depths of my closet. I might even stop at the Walgreen's on the way to the gym today and purchase a new lipstick. "Living the dream," that's me.

So, to recap:

Bodies need a spring cleaning, just like yards.
We can pay people to do both (Thanks, Thuy and BEa- Pretty Stylist).
Skin cancer is bad, but so is a pasty lady in a bathing suit.
Mocha fat is prettier than vanilla fat.
It's my dad's birthday!
Julie, the Wife will certainly share a bushwhacking story on my comments.


* HAPPY BIRTHDAY, "SOME OLD GUY!!" DON'T BOTHER READING BELOW THE LINE! IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD! LOVE YOU!!!!__________________________________________________
I am completely aware that certain members of the panel (followers) are just waiting to comment with "what about trimming the bushes?!?" First of all, let me just say that my father reads my blog, and today is his birthday. Since his present amounts to the 2010 snapfish calendar I forgot to pack at Christmas (and is now three months late), I thought I would also be respectful and prevent a premature heart attack. Also...since I am not scheduled for a spring break trip, it's completely too early to be worried about the hedges.